I really thought I was going to be a feminine man. After all, I enjoy looking good, nice clothes, identify as queer and I’ve always been attracted to feminine men. It turns out I might be quite regular. And it bothers me.
Reasons I once had not to transition (warning: sexist etc.)
1. A woman is a woman is a woman. The notion that your sex is your destiny. Biology is everything.
2. All women want to be men. Feminism is just a way to cover this up. Those who transition is just weak. All female femininity is just an act. We all have penis-envy.
Of course, this was true for me, but not everyone else – far from it.
3. A femalebodied person who wants to be a man and have issues with her body is just a victim of the patriarchy and the beauty industry. Feminism will teach her how to achieve inner peace.
4. Transsexual men are all heterosexual (as in attracted to women). That means I’m not transsexual. They are also very macho and into cars and beer. I’m an intellectual with a taste for white wine and books.
5. Transsexuals don’t have kids. Transmen would never be penetrated by another man, and certainly not in their vagina. I’ve no problems with that, and got a child that way. So I couldn’t possibly be trans.
6. Transsexuals verify gender roles and sterotypes. Of course, that was not my cup of tea.
7. A gay transman would be of no interest sexually to other gay men because he lacks a penis.
Happily this is not the case. Especially bi-sexual men seem to be more open and able to percieve you as you do youself. And even some gay men won’tbe discouraged by your lack of penis, or later; the size of the one you have.
8. The first words of a transsexual boy is «I’m a boy, not a girl. And I don’t like to wear dresses».
That last one still bothers me a bit, mostly because it seems to bother my therapists…
The rest of the reasons turned out to be misperceptions and bullshit. I really want to be out in every setting possible to prevent anyone from believing those half-truths, like I did for many years. I was misinformed, also by other transpeople, and it caused me a great deal of pain. It takes some effort not to be bitter about this. I really try.
I’ve discovered that the only thing of importance is that I percieve myself as a man and wants to be one. Transmen come in a great variety.