True love: Ben Cuevas

I’ve fallen in love. Fortunately, it’s the polyamorous kind of love towards art. When you see something and it fits perfectly in your mind. Like an image of something you could not describe yourself. The picture of a thought that had no form – until now. It’s a wonderful feeling.

My first love was Marit Victoria Wulff Andreassen with her drawing «Morning glory», that made the cover of my first collection of poetry, Framandkar. Then came Magritte’s «Boudoir», Frida Kahlo’s «The broken Column» , Lenora Carrington, and Nicholas Hlobo.

Now I’ve found Ben Cuevas.

«For this project I sat nude in a men’s locker room and knit myself a jock strap,» he writes on his blog. I just have to love a man who comes up with the idea and actually does it! And it doesn’t harm the performance that he looks very good… He has also knitted some genitals that I find quite familiar.

And his answer to the question «Do contemporary artists have to be naked to show their truth? No, but it’s more fun if they are!» made me laugh out loud.

Love poems in translation

For Valentine’s Day I decided to post a few poems, from my last book, that I’ve translated to English. The translation is not finished and might be flawed. If you’d like to use them; feel free as long as you mention that I’m the author.

Les videre

Happiness ruins blogging

I really shoul blog more often. I have a lot to blog about – actually so much that it’s totally overwhelming to start. I’ve passed my one year on testosterone and will probably go to Thailand for surgery within a year. I have kind of a job – a very interesting transactivist-job. And I found a boyfriend – the most wonderful man on earth. No, I didn’t hit him in his head and drag him back to my cave. I am not that violent and I tried to be more subtile than my instincts told me to. Les videre

God makes no mistakes – kind of a sermon

I usually avoid reading stuff that I know I’ll find repulsive, sick and frightening. I don’t think that’s unusual for any person. To make this post I felt forced to do some research.

I started out googleing the phrase «God makes no mistakes», because I’ve come across it several times in relation to transsexualism. I had the notion that it’s being used as an excuse for christians to judge transgender people.This is some of what I found: (WARNING: Do not click those links unless you are over the age of 18 and have access to valium or other sedatives)

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2008/february/26.56.html
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2008/february/25.54.html

“If you talk to your typical person across America, they would be appalled,” she said. “God made us male and female, and God makes no mistakes. To teach a child at an early age self-hatred, and that’s what this gender variance is, is very sad.” Andrea Lafferty, executive director of The Traditional Values CoalitionIn short, the argument is that transsexualism should not be cured, because it’s against God’s will. He supposedly created the body, but not the mind and soul. And these people don’t seem to care if the only other option is to kill oneself, although I thought that to be against God’s will as well?

Of course, there’s several problem with such an argument, the inhumanity already mentioned. Does God only create our bodies and not our minds and souls? Is He stuck in the middle ages or in the year his son was born on earth? Is He really evil?

I’ve never questioned God’s existance. I’ve been brought up in the Norwegian church with the notion that God loves everybody, that He is pure love and that He has not left us to our selves. And I’ve kept that conviction through some pretty dark years of my life. I did at some point question if He really is good. With all the people doing evil in His name, I have wondered if they might be right; maybe God really is evil. But they never managed to convince me.

I believe in a God who is pure love, a God who made the human race in His image to reflect His own magnitude and diversity, a God who knows so much more than we do – everything. We have no way of knowing for sure how He thinks.

To put oneself in a position to judge the moral and christianity of other humans and to think oneself able to lable other people’s faith as wrong, is to put oneself in the position of God. Jesus told us to recognize wrong teaching for it’s fruits. What would he make of the trace of suicides and grief that follow in the trace of so-called conservative christians?

God sent His son Jesus Christ to our earth to re-establish the broken link between us and God. The conservatives try to push people away from God because of who we are and who we love. For their own sake, I hope and pray that they have no idea of what they are doing and may be forgiven when they realize what they are doing.

I’ve listened to so many people struggeling with their faith in God after being told that God only loves the heterosexual or the single-sexed. They experience every day how «fellow christians» try to exclude them from the love of God and manage to take away their ability to experience christian fellowship. I can’t see how this could possibly be in line with the Bible or the word of Jesus.

And what about the Holy Spirit? I believe in it’s guidance in every person’s life. The Bible is after all written by men, who we can only hope were guided by the Holy Spirit. God has not abandoned His creation and continues to create through people guided by the Holy Spirit.

Conservative «christians» seem to put themselves in the position of God and to reduce God to make Him resemble themselves. They claim to believe in a God they cannot see, but reduces people to bodies and biology. In their trace grows only death and despair. To me, this comes very, very close to blasphemy.

Let’s go back to the phrase that God makes no mistakes. No, I don’t think He does. I’m certainly not a mistake. So my body and mind/soul got a little mixed up and does not fit our present notion of only two sexes/genders, and that these doesn’t change with time. I don’t blame God. If there’s one thing He could not be held responsible for, it’s how we arrange our societies. I also believe that I’m placed in this position because I have a mission: To spread the word of a loving, accepting God and to speak up for a powerless group so that His will can be done on earth as in heaven. I do not say that this goes for all transsexuals and trangendered out there. I do recognize that not everyone believe in God or that He has a plan for their lives. I also know that I have more resources than most in so many ways, and I believe they are given to me so that I can help others. And I will do my best, so help me God.

(Although I’ve used the pronomen «he» about God, I believe Him to be above the two-gender system of our world. As a female to male transsexual, I do prefer the male pronomen in an attempt to set up some positive models of masculinity.)

Want to see my secrets?

I’ve made a blog of taboos and secrets. The access is very limited because I don’t want anyone I know to read it (Fredrik is an exception, as usual). But if you have a wordpress-blog yourself and are absolutely sure you don’t know me or are getting to know me for at least the next decennium, then you could leave your user name in a comment and I’ll give you access.

The T.S.blog is where i write about sex and people I know, people I love and people I hate and about troubles that I otherwise don’t share with anyone.

I think it is good to get feedback from others on my most secret thoughts, and people who don’t know me are more likely toprovide a fresh view on things.