Where was I ten years ago?
I was living in a pecieved heterosexual relationship, and had been for the previous 3 years. I was studying creative writing (the first of two years), struggeling to write a novel that nobody liked but me. In between, I wrote short prose. A year ago, I looked at some of what I’d written and thought it was really scary.
My short prose from that time resemble the writing of people in the midst of a psychosis. I don’t think I was really psychotic (unless you define denial as such), but I think I had it in me. I wasn’t happy, but didn’t feel unhappy either. After all, I had no contact with who I was, so how could I?
In the past ten years I’ve gone from struggeling, unpublished writer to having published two very good collections of poetry. Books that people buy, read and think well of. I’ve gone from trying to be a woman to feeling comfortable with being a man. If I had a picture from that year or close, I’d put it up here, but I haven’t. I will at some point publish pictures of how I looked as a woman, but not yet.
In 2000/2001 I had no intention to be pregnant and have a baby. Now she is a schoolgirl (in Norway you attend school from the age of 6) and has just learned (herself) how to read.
I’ve come a long way. To me, this decade stands for turning things around. I’ve broken off one relationship, had both a straight and a gay boyfriend, and now I’m single. I’ve been a single mother and I am a distant male parent. I’ve met a lot of wonderful people I’ll never forget.
When I sum it up like this, it sounds like something out of Orlando by Wirginia Woolf. It sounds unreal, but it’s my life, and I love it.