Caring about this moment

Posted: mandag 2 juni, 2008 by Tarald in GLBT, My transition, philosophy
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Jacky and Ryan writes about how it shouldn’t matter if being queer or trans is a choice. And I agree. His bottom line is this:

I’m not that concerned about the WHY of things. I am more concerned with my life as it is right now.
Why I’m trans doesn’t matter. Whether or not its a product of nature, or nurture, or just a particularly convincing delusion I am under, it really doesn’t matter.
My choice is all that matters.

There’s nothing wrong with being queer… so why does it matter if I choose this path?

We choose to act or not to act. I’m not concerned either about the why. It also reminds me of something the psychiatrist at the GID-clinic said. They were not convinced that my gender identity will stay male. I am convinced, of course, but that doesn’t matter to them. And who can predict anything about the future with certainty? Me neither.

But if I choose to change my body to make it look more male, I know that will feel better than to have a female body. I never wanted a female body, I just accepted it as my destiny for far too long. I can’t imagine that I’ll ever want that body back, but if so, I should be mature enough to take responsibility for my own actions. Judging from my experiences, that won’t be a problem. Feelings of regret are almost non-existant in my life so far. Not because I’ve always taken the best decisions, but because I’m able to see that I didn’t have the means to handle the situation  better at the time. I intend to keep it that way.

What I care about is making the best possible decisions today so that I can have a better life in the future. And, yes, it should be mine to make.

Kommentarer
  1. Ryan sier:

    Fucking gatekeepers.

    I hate this attitude that someone else will EVER know better what is right for us.

    Have you seen ‘The Endless Sunshine of a Spotless Mind’? Its beautiful, though difficult to follow. The moral of the film is that some things are too precious to forget, even if they cause us pain.
    I was thinking about some of the more painful aspects of my past yesterday, and I was wondering what I would change, what I would forget.
    The answer was nothing.
    Regret nothing, forget nothing. What is the point of life if we don’t learn its lessons?

    I hope that karma bites those bastards at the Gender Clinic.

  2. Tarald sier:

    I’m their karma *evil laughter*
    No, I haven’t seen it. Guess I should.
    Thanks.

  3. Sonia sier:

    Absolutely, Tarald. I wish I heard this view more often.

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